Saturday, September 12, 2009

Just Life....

This past month or so has been very hectic for me!
We finally closed on our house after two months of waiting, we were about ready to give up. And to top it all off the mortgage lady called us the day of closing and tells us that we have to bring $1300 to closing when we were expecting to have $0 down! Nick was ready to walk away from the house but I was too emotionally attached. So we went and signed the papers and waited some more! We gave the previous owners two weeks to get out, out of respect for them. These next two weeks drug on, we felt like we just made a huge purchase but our day to day life didn't change at all. In the mean time Natalie has gotten an ear infection and decided that nursing wasn't for her anymore. I tried to nurse as long as possible and even supplemented and tried nursing just twice a day. If she was sleepy enough she would still nurse but finally one day she refused nursing completely. I thought I'd be ok with it and be happy to have my body back but this was really hard! I loved the bonding that we had and the "us" time it gave us. When I give her formula she stares at the ceiling or out the window and not at "me" like she used to. It also made me feel very inadequte as a mother. I know I nursed for 9 months but I wasn't ready to stop! To top this all off we were getting NO sleep. Natalie would go to bed ok but wake up by 1 am and be up until 3 or 4 and then go back to bed until 6 or 7. This gave me 4 to 5 hours of sleep each night.

So I'm emotional, trying to figure out this formula thing, trying to pack and sleep deprived all at the same time!

Moving day finally comes and it takes us from sun up to sun down to get everything moved let alone unpacked.

3 weeks later and we are mostly unpacked but still finding things that are packed here and there. We love the house and I feel it was all worth it, now if we could just get some sleep I might feel like a real person again!

If anything I've learned that things don't always go as planned no matter how well you planned them out, or how you "think" they will go. As a mother I've really had to learn to go with the flow and realize I can't plan everything. That's tough for me because I like to be in control and I can't be.
Still, being a mother is the greatest thing I've ever done and I wouldn't trade it for the world!